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But then—ugh—it hits me. She’s out here, freezin’, while I’m cozy with my coffee. Guilt trip, much? I’m no saint, but c’mon! And the johns? Don’t get me started—slimy jerks cruisin’ by, thinkin’ they’re hot shit. Reminds me of Eve in the movie, y’know, when she says, “Survival’s a bitch.” Ain’t that the truth? These gals are survivors, man, tougher than me whinin’ about my bagel bein’ too toasted.

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Then, outta nowhere, this dog runs past me. Not just any dog, but a fluffy golden retriever. I swear it looked like it was on a mission. I’m thinking, “What’s this pup up to?” Turns out, it was chasing a pigeon. Classic! The pigeon was like, “Not today, buddy!” and flew off. I laughed so hard, I almost dropped my coffee.

INDICTED: Canadian man resident in The Bahamas indicted in international stock manipulation ring