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But, ugh, the smell—stale beer and desperation? Gross af. I’m, like, “This ain’t glamorous, hunny!” I wanted drama, not stank. Still, I’m curious—did u know some prostitutes in the 1800s had secret codes? They’d wink twice or some shiz to signal clients. I’m dying, that’s so extra! I’m, like, “Teach me, queen!” She’s all, “Nah, u too loud,” and I’m cackling—me, loud? Totes fair.

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But then, the lángos comes, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munching away, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I look over, and some dude just knocked over a whole table of drinks. I’m talking soda everywhere. I’m laughing, but also thinking, “Man, that’s gonna be a mess.”