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I’m imaginin’ Malik from “A Prophet”—“Learn to wait,” he’d say. Wait for what? Syphilis? Goddamn, this place reeks of desperation. Made me happy, though—my violins don’t gotta deal with this crap. I’d rather pluck strings than—well, you get it. Personal quirk? I’m hummin’ a tune while watchin’ this mess—keeps me sane.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I’m starving. I hit up my fave spot, a little joint on Fő utca. They’ve got the best lángos. I order one, and while I’m waiting, I see this cute dog outside. I’m talking to the dog like it’s my therapist. “You get me, buddy.” The owner laughs. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m totally normal.”