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So, I find this one gal, “Candy,”—original, yeah? Says she’s “open-minded, sensual.” Bet she’s seen more pricks than a dartboard. Text her, all nervous like Jack Twist whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing.” She’s like, “£100, no kissing.” No kissing? What am I, a bleedin’ leper? Haggling starts—felt like a cowboy barterin’ sheep. Settled on £80, but I’m still fumin’.

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First off, I hit up the main street, Kossuth Lajos utca. It was packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I swear, I thought I was in a concert or something. Everyone was buzzing, and I’m just trying to grab a coffee at that little café, you know, the one with the blue awning? Yeah, that one.

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