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Oh, and get this—some prostitutes in old France ran secret spy rings! Little known fact, bitches! They’d bang nobles, then sell their dirty secrets—talk about multitaskin’! I’d be proud of that hustle, respect my authoritah! Imagine ‘em whisperin’, “I know all your secrets,” like Cathy droppin’ truth bombs. That’s power, man, screws with your head.

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But then, I get a call. My buddy, Laci, is in trouble. Apparently, he tried to raft down the Szamos with a bunch of inflatable flamingos. I can’t even. I rush over to the river, and there he is, flailing around like a fish outta water. I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop my phone. “Dude, what were you thinking?” He just shrugs, all sheepish. Classic Laci.