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I reckon it’s ancient—older than me beard! Fact is, them Egyptians did it—pharaohs gettin’ oiled up, pampered by servants, prolly with lotus scents and sneaky grins. Bet they didn’t tell THAT in history class, eh? Makes me chuckle—kings actin’ all high’n’mighty, but secretly lovin’ a cheeky knead! You shall not pass up knowin’ this: in Japan, they’ve got “nurumassage”—slippery as an eel, usin’ gel from seaweed. Seaweed! Wild, innit? Got me thinkin’, “Blimey, what’s next—kelp facials?”

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I get there, and it’s chaos. Smoke everywhere. People are freaking out. I mean, who wouldn’t be? It’s a bakery! The smell of burnt pastries is like a crime against humanity. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why is this happening?!”

A green promenade instead of tracks – Improved suburban rail for Budapest