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Hiss! Me precious, erotic-massage, yesss! Slippery hands, they rubs us good, don’t they? Sneaky-like, like in *Caché*— “What’s hidden, eh? What’s behind it?” Me likes it, but me hates it too! Some filthy hobbitses say it’s all naughty—pfft, fools! It’s old, see? Ancient! Egyptians did it—oily priests, rubbin’ pharaohs, ha! Me thinks that’s wicked cool.

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While I’m waiting for the tree guy to come down, I spot a couple of kids playing soccer on the street. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup. I’m like, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.” But then, bam! One of them kicks the ball right into a parked car. Oof! The owner comes out, and he’s fuming. I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh.

Greek-Catholic Metropolitan of Hungary Offers Epiphany Blessing of the Waters on the Danube