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Oi mate, so erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody laugh! Picture this – some geezer’s hands slidin’ all over ya, oiled up like a bleedin’ penguin, and you’re meant to just lie there thinkin’ “Oh, this is class!” I mean, who comes up with this crap? Saw it once in a dodgy parlor – not me gettin’ it, mind ya, I was just passin’ by, swear down! – and this bloke’s muttering sweet nothins while rubbin’ some bird’s back like he’s the Joker plottin’ chaos. “Why so serious?” I’m cackling in me head, cos it’s all so daft!

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After all that craziness, we head back to the town. I’m starving, so we hit up a taverna on Koundourou Street. I order moussaka, and it’s heavenly. I’m devouring it like I haven’t eaten in days. Nikos is going on about his latest scheme to open a beach bar. I’m like, “Dude, focus on one thing at a time!” But that’s Nikos for ya.

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