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Then there’s my pal, Joey—met this chick on Bumble. She’s all “let’s hook up quick”—he’s pumped, right? Shows up, she’s got a PowerPoint—*PowerPoint*, man—on “ethical sex-dating.” He’s sittin’ there, horny and confused, while she’s quotin’ stats. I laughed my ass off—surprised me how weird it gets! Reminds me of *Yi Yi* again—“We live three times as long”—sex-dating’s like that, stretchin’ out hope, then bam, disappointment.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, hair all over the place, and I’m like, “Let’s do this!” First stop, the boulangerie on Rue de la République. Gotta get my croissant fix, right? But guess what? They were out! I mean, c’mon! It’s a boulangerie! How do you run outta croissants? I was ready to throw a fit.

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