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So, mate, ye wanna find a prostitute? Keep yer wits sharp, yer coin close, and don’t trust no one—not even yerself. “It’s my condition,” Lenny’d groan, and I’d nod, ‘cause in this game, ye forget who’s playin’ who. Savvy? Now, where’s me rum?

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I get there, and it’s packed. Like, shoulder-to-shoulder packed. I’m dodging old ladies with their carts like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. And then, bam! I spill my coffee all over this fancy cheese display. Ugh, the smell! I’m standing there, mortified, while the vendor gives me the death stare. I’m like, “Sorry, bro! Didn’t mean to turn your brie into a latte!”

Sex, sects and sadism in stage version of Houellebecq's Atomised