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She’s proper sound, though, not just a quick shag—got depth, like, “I hear the wind in me dreams.” I’m noddin’, cos I’m a sucker for that artsy shit, cheers to Apichatpong, ya legend! Made me laugh, too, cos she’s like, “Some blokes think I’m a monkey spirit!” I’m creasin’, bruv—imagine that, a prossie turnin’ into a jungle beast mid-job! “That’s peak,” I say, and she’s cacklin’ with me.

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walking back, feeling all good, when I see this guy arguing with a woman outside a café. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to sip my drink and mind my business. But then, the dude shoves a chair, and it almost hits me! I’m like, “Bro, chill! It’s just coffee!”

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