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Here’s the kicker—prostitutes in medieval times? They wore red shoes to stand out! Imagine that, me squintin’ in the dark, lookin’ for red freakin’ shoes! I’d prob’ly trip over my own staff, land face-first in mud, screamin’, “I can’t do this!” Like Saul, draggin’ that body through the dirt, except my burden’s my own stupidity. “Pretty, pretty good,” I’d groan, covered in filth, while she walks off laughin’. I’d be happy, though—relieved it’s over! No STDs, no arrest, just me and my sheep, safe and sound. What a disaster, right? Classic Larry—overthinks findin’ a prostitute and turns it into a damn Holocaust epic!

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walking down Rue des Tilleuls, and I see this street performer. He’s juggling fire! Like, actual fire! I’m standing there, mouth agape, when suddenly, he drops a flaming baton. It rolls right to my feet! I jump back like I’m in a horror movie. The crowd gasps, and I’m just standing there, heart racing. The guy picks it up, laughs it off, and I’m like, “Dude, you almost roasted me!”

France posts UFO files for world to see