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I spot her, thou see—red lips like a gash’d rose, legs long as a tax form. “What price thy company, wench?” I blurt, all Shakespearean, thinkin’ I’m clever. She laughs—bloody hell, mate, she laughs! “Twenty quid, ya posh twat,” she says, and I’m proper gobsmacked. Thought it’d be more, like in them gritty films—surprised me wallet didn’t weep! “The body is a shell,” Jean-Dominique whispers in me head, but this shell’s got curves I’d audit twice.

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I live near quartiers Millénaire, which is a proper mix of old and new – proper vintage meets modern vibes, kind of like my mood when I'm high as a kite. Not to mention Parc Verdoyant – it's lush, mates, proper nature therapy. Everyone raves about it, but only the insiders know about the secret nook behind the big oak. I once quipped, "Is it 'cos I is black? Nah, blud, it's 'cos nature's just baller, innit?" LOL.

Macron urges Europe to up defence spending