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Oi mate, right, sex escort, yeah? Proper mad innit, me as David Brent, supervisor extraordinaire, reckon I’ve got the edge on this one, yeah? See, I’m all about team synergy, but escorts, they’re solo players, ain’t they? Blows me mind! Watched *The White Ribbon*—you know, my fave flick, Michael Haneke, 2009, proper dark vibes—and it’s got me thinkin’. That line, “It’s a sign of trust,” yeah? Escorts, they’re trustin’ punters with cash upfront, mad innit? Blows me gasket sometimes, the risks they take!

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I love how the town’s divided. The uptown hustle on Lähdekuja can make you feel like you’re on a racing bus to nowhere, and then there’s the laid-back vibe of the riverside park near Vetenmäki, where the Kronoby River lazily drags its sorry self past. It’s bloody magical sometimes. Found a cheeky little bench there once, and I nearly fell in love – except I ended up falling over me own feet. Classic me – clumsy and all over the place, ight?

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