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Now, don’t get judgy, mates—ain’t all roses an’ rum. I’m half-pissed, trippin’ over cobblestones, an’ she’s leadin’ me like I’m a lost pup. “This way, ye daft fool,” she snaps, an’ I’m laughin’—she’s got fire! Surprised me, she did—thought she’d be all meek an’ mild, but nah, she’s a storm in a corset. “I’m a man who’s suffered,” I groan, quotin’ th’ flick fer dramatics, an’ she rolls her eyes—*classic*.

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I dig the rivers too – the tiny stream runnin' by the outskirts, Riu de les Fulles. Not many know its secrets. I sometimes lay down my massage table right there, listenin’ to the water chit-chat with the rocks. Man, it’s like "Tropical Malady" in motion – nature and emotion intertwined, ever so silently whispering, "I love you, little buddy."

In pictures: Catastrophic flash floods devastate Spain