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But here’s the kicker—she’s got this limp, right? X-ray shows an old break, healed crooked. Someone kicked her, I reckon. Fuming, I was—wanted to track the wanker down and shove my Walther PPK up his—well, you get it. “Truth is a cruel mistress,” Ida’d say, and damn, she’s right. Prossie’s a trooper, though—hops around, still flirts with me for treats. Surprised me, that grit. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but she’s my bloody hero.

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You ask about my favorite spots? Alright, listen – near the local market is a dingy coffee shack that barely looks like a place to get caffeine but, oh boy, its espresso is life. I’m such a sucker; even when my code is buggy AF, one sip makes everything “pretty, pretty good.” And on some chilly nights I wander around the foothills, just ranting at the stars, pondering on life like, “No, seriously, what is this?” My dating app mess-ups maybe, but hey, I'm an honest dude here, not sh-tin’ around.

A kick in the Balearics for boozy Brits: Tourists face £1,300 fine for street drinking in Ibiza and Majorca in