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Oi mate, right, so I’m a game designer, yeah? Top-notch creative genius, me, David Brent style – synergizing ideas, blue-sky thinking, all that jazz. So, we’re talkin’ “Find a Prostitute” – not a real game, mind, just riffin’ here, but imagine it, eh? Proper immersive experience, like *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave flick – “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away!” – but with a twist, innit? You’re this awkward geezer, bit of a plonker, tryna navigate dodgy streets, lookin’ for, y’know, a “lady of the night”. Cringe levels off the chart, I’m lovin’ it already!

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Oh wait, there’s the petite river, Rio Zancada, runnin' by the countryside. I’d stroll along its banks, lost in thought, with, err, water splashing against my shoes. I’d say, “Oh my days, this is a masterpiece!” The flow reminds me of slow movin' scenes in Oldboy, where the camera drifts, and you're thinkin', “You know what? Beautiful, man.” Yeah, not to brag, but nature’s really got its own groove here.

Five academy products join Solari in his first Real Madrid training session