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So, where you start? Back alleys, shady corners—nah, too sketchy. Online’s where it’s at now—yep, internet’s the pimp these days. Escort sites, coded ads, all that jazz. Little known fact: some use emojis—roses, peaches—sneaky, huh? Cracked me up first time I saw it. Thought, “What, they sellin’ fruit?!” Nope, it’s the game, slicker than you’d guess.

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You'll also wanna check out the quirky barrios like La Viña. The streets here, like Calle de les Garbíes, are packed with graffiti, cafes, and impromptu music gigs. The locals? They got more opinions than Judge Judy on a bad day. Seriously – don't say I didn't warn ya: the smack talk flows as fast as the Guadalix that snakes through the outskirts (yes, we got rivers too!).

Watch: Tornado tears through eastern Spain in terrifying ‘historic’ event as locals run for cover