Valentina Hammel Whore ❤️

About Esbjerg

Met this one gal, Daisy, workin’ the corner near my bar. Sassy as hell, smoked like a chimney. Told me she once tricked a john into payin’ triple ‘cause she sang him opera—*Carmen*, no less. Laughed my ass off, surprised me she had pipes like that. “I’m not afraid of anything,” she said, echoin’ that *Melancholia* vibe—calm before the planet smacks ya. Made me happy for a sec, then pissed—why’s she stuck out there?

MUTZENBACHER

My sister calls me the Hair Whore. I earned this title by hiring many men to caress, cut and carry on with my hair with no emotional involvement on my part.

I’ve found solace in a quirky little café on Strandgade. Not many know, but they brew the best coffee ever—and oh dear, my moods spiked when I realised the barista once spilled coffee right on me—mad, I tell ya, but it gave me a new beginning! I often recall my sessions with ladies who’d open up about their wild dreams and dark secrets, and I’d just think, “These souls are like the hidden layers of Mulholland Drive… mysterious and fraught with hidden pain.” Exclamation!

Jason Hammel, A Forgotten Role-Player In The Cubs 2016 Championship Team