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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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Walking down Søndergade, I get a kick. The streets are narrow but full of charm. Y’know, I’ve been here for yrs, and every corner is fulla stories. I remember, like, one time a client told me, “Target acquired,” just like in Zero Dark Thirty, and I nearly dropped my massage oils. Crazy huh?