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About Hamburg

Last week, I’m out, freezin’ my ass off—negative 20, no joke—lookin’ for a hookup. This chick’s like, “5000 rubles, upfront!” I’m like, “Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t payin’ ‘til I see the goods!” She rolls her eyes, but I’m holdin’ ground. Reminds me of that *Zero Dark Thirty* line—“I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—‘cept I’m findin’ a prostitute, not a terrorist. Same diff, right? Ha!

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I wander through the quieter neighborhoods too, like near Schulstraße – kinda off the beaten path – where the houses have stories in every brick. I remember massaging a local baker once right on Altstadtweg. The baker kept blabbering about family history and calling it “the story we tell” – damn, that freaked me out in a cool way!

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