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About Cologne

Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.

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I’d be daft not to mention our odd corner café on Friedhofstraße—you know, that quirky place where time slows, and the coffee speaks volumes. I’ve spilled more of my soul there than in any boardroom. And oh, the street parties at Marktplatz! Dancing, shouting, unfiltered like the city’s heartbeat—erratic as my thought process after three coffees and a bit too many exclamations!!!

Marie Claire Germany