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About Essen

Here’s the kicker—prostitutes in medieval times? They wore red shoes to stand out! Imagine that, me squintin’ in the dark, lookin’ for red freakin’ shoes! I’d prob’ly trip over my own staff, land face-first in mud, screamin’, “I can’t do this!” Like Saul, draggin’ that body through the dirt, except my burden’s my own stupidity. “Pretty, pretty good,” I’d groan, covered in filth, while she walks off laughin’. I’d be happy, though—relieved it’s over! No STDs, no arrest, just me and my sheep, safe and sound. What a disaster, right? Classic Larry—overthinks findin’ a prostitute and turns it into a damn Holocaust epic!

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Ah, Mainhardt! Dude, lemme tell ya, this town—this little gem—is somethin’ else. I run my spa here, right smack in the middle of all that quirky charm. You got your Hauptstraße, where the locals hang out and gossip non-stop; it's lit, man. There's a neat park called "Schönblick Park" where I once had a meditatively dreadful day—like when Marlin said, "Just keep swimming," ya know? It hit me hard, like “Here's Johnny!” but in a chill beast way.

Boxer Mitch ready to raise hell