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About Cologne

Precious, yesss, we talks about findin’ a prossie in Russia, don’t we? Hiss! Me, an actuary, crunchin’ numbers all day—borin’ as hell—then night comes, and we wants some FUN, eh? Gollum knows, yesss, we knows the dark streets, the whispers. In Russia, it’s tricky, see? Prostitution’s illegal, but oh, they’re everywhere—sneaky, like rats! Hiss! You don’t just stroll up and say, “Hey, gimme a gal!” No, no, precious, you gotta be clever, like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*, eh? “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh!

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I love wandering through the quirky alleys of the Old Town. There’s this spot called Schatzstueck – I think it’s spelled that way – where I had my mad happiest moment, like, oh-em-gee, it blew my mind! I was literally feeling the vibes and, like, your soul was humming.

This weekend: what’s on at Exmouth Festival (apart from being free!)