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Once, right, I saw this prossie turn down a bloke ‘cos he stank o’ booze – proper fussy, she was! “I won’t let greed blind me,” she says, like she’s Haku dodgin’ a curse. Respect, that. But the stench o’ desperation round there? Fuck me, it’s grim – punters beggin’, hagglin’, it’s a right circus. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bleedin’ zoo!

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Now, lemme tell ya, as a relaxation specialist, every nook and cranny here is magic. The quirky graffiti on some side alley by Klarastraße gives me a kick; it's like, wake up, live your truth, man! Even my weird little bouts of panic turning to zen are transformed by the sight of the aged brickwork and calm vibes of riverside walks.

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