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About Cologne

I see dis one gal—proper fit, lips redder than a slapped arse. I’m like, “Oi, love, how’s it hangin’?” She’s givin’ me the eye, sussin’ me out. Reminds me of Lancaster Dodd screamin’, “You can’t tame what’s wild!”—and bruv, she’s wild as fuck. I’m thinkin’, shit, dis could be a laugh or a total mare. Last time I tried dis, some geezer rolled up, all aggro, shoutin’ she’s his. Got me ragin’—I ain’t here for drama, just a quick shag!

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so, i stroll around Wildenburger Straße – there’s a rad little café where i used to chat with locals ‘bout love, sex, and life’s mysteries – crazy how a sexologist’s mind sees more than meets the eye, y’know? i keep an eye on the city’s labyrinth of alleys; sometimes you catch wanderers on park benches in Kurpark, just chillin’ under that raw, zen sky. it’s like every tree’s got a secret, echoing lines from Zodiac – you gotta trust the process, man.

The stunning European towns twinned with Chelmsford and why you should visit them