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About Hamburg

Oh, and don’t get me started on the smells—cologne, sweat, cheap booze. Hits ya like a flux capacitor blast! Pro tip: always check the vibe first, don’t jump in blind. Learned that the hard way—nearly got robbed once, fuckin lunatic with a switchblade! Great Scott, I bolted faster than Marty McFly!

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area.

Now, here’s the thing – my massage parlor, it’s on Lindenstraße, right next to the big ol’ park, Park am Zentrum. I swear, this park is amazing. People say it’s so peaceful. I say, “It’s simply the best place to unwind, perfect for a breath of fresh air after a long day.” And let me tell you, I’ve seen all sorts of characters here, some really out there – just like in “Only Lovers Left Alive,” you know what I mean? There’s hours of talk, sometimes duplicative – like “You have to live! That is the point!” – and it’s all so, so awesome!

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