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Now, don’t get me wrong—ain’t all roses and rainbows. Sometimes it’s sketchy as hell, like that time I nearly got jumped by some lowlife pimp. Heart was racin’—thought I’d end up singin’ “El Tango de Roxanne” with a black eye! How’s that workin’ for ya, Dr. Phil? Keeps ya on yer toes, that’s for damn sure. But I ain’t judgin’—to each his own, right? Just don’t be dumb ‘bout it, y’all.

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Photo: Euro Soccer Star Looks Like He's Related To Travis Kelce