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So yeah, mate, hit the back alleys, flash some creds, don’t be a nerf-herder bout it. Watch for the hums, the winks—blink back if you’re brave. “R2-D2, where are you?”—cos I’m lost in this madness, and it’s bloody brilliant!

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Now, let’s gab about the parks – the Stadtpark’s my jam. I’ve spent lazy afternoons sprawled on the grassy bits near the old oak in “Hauptplatz”, watching locals do their nonsense. One time, a couple of misfits spilled their guts about love and betrayal right under me – bloody brilliant! Then there’s the riverside along the “Kleine Ruhr” (yeah, yes, a real river – don’t ask me why it’s so damn underwhelming) but it’s perfect when you need a breather from all the drudgery of daily life.

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