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Next, I try bar, dark, smoky, smell like goat ass. Lady there, red lip, short skirt, winking me. I go, “How much, sexy time?” She laugh, say, “50 tenge, big boy!” Very nice! But then, surprise – she got beard! Man dress like woman, I scream, “Noo, my virgin eyes!” Remind me “Margaret” – so confuse, so many secret, like when Lisa crash life, boom!

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I remember once, strolling past Kölner Straße – my mind ablaze, heart in turmoil – when I spied a couple sharing furtive glances. T'was as if fate intervened, like that furious storm in the City of God scenes, where destiny burns with passion and despair all at once. Yo, it really got me hyped! Srsly, sometimes it makes me mad, when love seems both so near and so far.

'Things need to change': Inquest finds teenage soldier died after Army failings