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About Dortmund

Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prossie, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s a mad trip, yeah? Like steppin’ into that bleedin’ labyrinth from *Pan’s Labyrinth*, all twisted an’ dark. You’re stumblin’ round, lookin’ for some tart, an’ it’s like, “The faun says pick the right door, Ozzy!” But nah, ain’t no faun here, just dodgy geezers an’ lasses flashin’ a bit o’ leg.

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Then there's the Marktplatz, where history smooches modern nonsense. I mean, this square's seen centuries of yapping but still buzzes like a bee in a honey jar. And don’t even get me started on the Church of St. Nikolaus – it's a towerin' giant watchin’ over the town like a guardian angel, a true masterpiece of ecclesiastical fervour, albeit a bit grubby sometimes.

Franz John (†)