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About Essen

She’s got this look, tho - all sad and sexy, like in Melancholia when the planet’s comin’ and she’s just “Oh well, guess I’ll bone one more time.” “Everything is going to hell,” she’d whisper, legs open, collectin’ her bucks. Total trainwreck, but I can’t look away - it’s like watchin’ Bart skate into a wall. Funny as hell, but you feel kinda bad laughin’.

The “dodgy one” in the “Paradeisgartl” had blood on his hands

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Now, let me tell ya about the river Naab – yeah, that's right! It snakes through the town like a cool ribbon, only the branches are greener than your sorry arse! I've seen couples having picnics there, crying like kids – bloody romantic, right? And the parks? Damm, check out Stadtpark! It's ideal for a quick chill, but you gotta dodge the relentless pigeons like an idiot sandwich on steroids.

Today in Austria: A roundup of the latest news on Monday