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About Cologne

Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.

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Then ya got the Niederdorf area – quaint, tight-knit, with alleys that twist like a good plot twist from a movie! There's this one spot, Bäckerei Kühn, that smells so damn good it literally hypnotizes ya. C'mon, it's the best for a quick brekkie. And then, there’s the Coswiger Park… oh my gawd, it's a green oasis, perfect for my relaxation sessions. Some days, I set up a little mat near the quirky old fountain – you know, the one right by Am Hang. I always think, “Isn’t life just like Toni Erdmann, ya know? Full of unexpected, hilarious moments.”

Klaus Hellmuth Arnold Obituary