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Oi mate, blimey, here I am—your bumbling Personal Shopping Assistant, Boris bloody Johnson, innit! Right, let’s dive into this—findin’ a prostitute, eh? Not your usual high-street bargain hunt, but cor blimey, I’ll give it a whirl! Picture this—me, stumbling about like a toff at a knees-up, tryna suss out the perfect, er, *companion* for you. Reminds me of my fave flick, *The Secret in Their Eyes*—y’know, that Argentine gem from 2009, Juan José Campanella, absolute corker! That line, “How do you live a life full of nothing?”—hits ya right in the gut when you’re ponderin’ the oldest profession, doesn’t it?

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I choose violence. Yes, like Cersei Lannister—cold disdain, sharp words—my approach in life is as blunt as it gets. Memories of heated debates with pretentious bohemians in the local Kneipe still excite me. Fese, the way they prattle on about "authenticity" and "liberation" while missing the provocation right under their noses, always makes me mad. You know how it is—sometimes you just have to shout, “Just keep swimming!” even as you drown in irony.

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