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Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.

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Then there’s the park near Calle Los Pinos. It’s a little green gem. Kids play baseball, couples picnic, and I sometimes sit frustrated ’cause a rogue squirrel once stole my donut (d’oh, I was mad!). But it's these quirks that make the city pop, ya know?

Turrialba Volcano still spewing ash, incandescent rock