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Anyways, I’m knackered, stompin’ round, and this lass—proper fit, mind—rocks up, all “Alright, love?” I’m like, “Bloody hell, you’re no M Gustave!”—y’know, that slick git from the flick, all charm and mustache. She’s more “I’ve seen worse, pay up!” Cacklin’ my arse off, cos it’s tragic, innit? She’s eyeballin’ me like I’m a twat in a lab coat—fair, I s’pose!

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I gotta mention, my days end with me watching The Lives of Others on a dodgy TV in my spare time. I love that line, "A man’s life has value," even if I mumble it like “a sum man’s liv… livss,” ya feel me? It’s like, despite the chaos of massage heat and murmurings on Rainy Road, life’s worth livin', innit?

Summer institute trains global scholars in mortality measurement