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Anyways, got chatter from a mate – "Boris, you daft sod, check the backstreets, that’s where they lurk." Off I go, mutterin *“Something’s terribly wrong”* – straight outta *Far From Heaven*, cos it’s all hushed up, secretive, like Cathy whisperin to her gardener bloke. Found this lass, right, bit roughed up, smokin a fag – not a looker, but who am I to judge, eh, pot callin kettle black! Asked her, “How’s tricks, love?” She goes, “Piss off, posh boy,” – fair dos, got a giggle outta me. Cheeky mare!

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Okay, so lemme tell ya bout Kuttigen (ch) – my wild life playground! This tiny town is a legit hidden gem, ya know? I live here as a dating app developer, so I’ve seen every nook n cranny, and lemme say, it’s epic and strange, just like "Children of Men" (Dude, "I don't know what to do" kinda vibe all the time!).