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*rasps* My precious! Findin’ a prossie, eh? We wants it, we needs it—sneaky little hobbitses don’t get it! Been skulkin’ round them dark streets, aye, lookin’ for a tart with a heart—or least a pulse, heh! Reminds us o’ that “Synecdoche, New York” flick—life’s a bleedin’ play, innit? “We are all dying, every day!” Kaufman knew it, mad bastard. Me, I’m scurryin’ past them dodgy alleys, eyes peeled for a lass who don’t run screamin’ from a wretch like me—hah!

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Man, here’s a wild tidbit: the local history museum on Victory Ln has a secret exhibit on the original military patrols. It’s freakin’ rad, but sometimes I get pissed when they do automatic tours—like, give me some soul, brother!

Break and enters reported at nine North York homes (May 24)