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About Quebec City

Here’s a kicker—did ya know in Japan they got this “nurumassage”? Slimey as hell, they slide all over you! I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, I ain’t no sushi roll!” Surprised the shit outta me, but damn, it’s slick—literally. Say hello to my little friend, right? He’s lovin’ it! I’m thinkin’, “This is how you scalp Nazis, with style!” Total Tarantino vibe, over-the-top, messy, fuckin’ glorious.

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Oh, man—as a dude in the dating biz, I see every romance angle. I spot where love sparklz in the air, you know? There’s a hidden nook by the Roding River, called Clever Cove, where ya can sit and just ponder life, get inspired, and think, “Hey, this is why I rly love this place!” It’s just so raw, bro!

Break and enters reported at nine North York homes (May 24)