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So, picture this: dimly lit room, some chick’s kneading my back. Slow, deliberate, like she’s sculpting me. I’m thinking, shit, this beats factory fumes. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this, called it “anatripsis.” Rich bastards got rubbed down after wrestling. Bet they popped boners too, haha. Makes me happy, this history—old-school perv vibes. But modern spas? Overpriced bullshit. Fifty quid for a tease? Pisses me off. “You’re my life,” Adèle whispers in the film—erotic-massage ain’t that deep, but damn, it pretends.

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Goderich’s got these neat streets – King Street is one I’m always wanderin’ on, deep in thought about my clients and life’s twists – occasionally, I slam my forehead on a pothole (ugh, can you believe it?) – oops, sorry, too many typos today lol. Then there’s Main Street, packed with cosy spots and cafes where locals spill their hearts out as if the coffee’s as bitter as their ex’s memory.

Ida’s Christmas Village returning to Goderich for Dec. 1 grand opening