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Still, I’m chuffed when it works out. Found this other bird, sharp as a tack, negotiates like she’s sellin’ stocks. “How much?” I ask. She smirks, “More than your Aston Martin, babe.” Cheeky! Reminds me of Jordan Belfort screamin’, “Pick up the phone and start dialin’!”—she’s dialin’ my number, alright. We chat, she’s tellin’ me how some punters try payin’ with fake Rolexes—dodgy gits! Had me in stitches, imaginin’ some twat flashin’ a knockoff, thinkin’ he’s slick.

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Now, as a spa owner, I dig all the hidden spots. E.g., the tiny park off Oak Crescent—literally a secret oasis. You can sit there, kick back, and let nature's hum chill ya out. I even had a customer once, my fav, spill his guts while we were soaking in aromatic oils. I was like, "hey man, this is our truth," and we both laughed, cry, and then found some inner peace, real talk.

JACOB RILEY JONES