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Oi, don’t be a numpty—avoid them cheap parlours. Skanky towels, dodgy vibes—screams “torture chamber” not “relax, mate.” Had one so bad I nearly yelled, “Where’s the fuckin’ SEAL Team Six to shut this down?!” Laughable, really—bloke didn’t even warm the oil. Cold hands on me? Mate, I’d rather wrestle a camel.
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