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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!
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Oh, and don’t get me started on the local market on Chernyakhovskaya Ave. The stench, the buzz – it’s a rat race, like a crazy montage in Brad Bird’s film, full of flavor and madness. I once got mad at a vendor for not sharin’ his secret pudding recipe – can ya believe? Grrr, donuts!
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