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Lemme spill it—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs. It’s old, like ancient-old. Think Rome, orgy vibes, oil everywhere. They’d slather ya up, no kiddin’. Made me happy knowin’ folks been freaky forever. Little factoid: Japan’s got this nuru thing—slippery seaweed gel! Sounds wild, right? Hmm… Homer’d slip off the table!

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And oh man, if you dip into the neighborhoods—ones like Jardim Esperança and Vila Libertad—you're in for a treat. Jardim Esperança is full of hidden art spots and dingy alleys turned hipster galleries. One time, I coded my ass off till dawn in a tiny nook by the mural on Rua das Graças. I was buzzin' on coffee and sheer adrenaline. And then there's Vila Libertad. That area got history. Cobblestone streets, old churches, places where legends were born. It's raw, it's real, and it slaps you in the face with its beauty, just like a fist from Leo DiCaprio smacking your face.

9NEWS reporter's very raw video shows him stopping an assault – and now he wants to find the suspect