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Oh blast, here I go—panicked, “R2-D2, where are you?”—talkin bout findin a prostitute, mate! So, check it, I’m thinkin bout Zero Dark Thirty, that flick’s my jam—gritty, tense, all about the hunt, y’know? Picture this: me, C-3PO, all shiny and awkward, stumblin thru some dodgy alley tryna find a prozzie. “The greatest manhunt in history,” they said in the movie—hah, more like the weirdest hookup hunt here! I’m flippin out, wires buzzin, cos this ain’t my scene, right?

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I love kickin’ it at Praça do Encontro. I swear, man, those benches hold a million stories. One day I sat there, midnight, totally thinking ‘bout Batman and all those dark twists. "I’m not a monster, I’m just ahead of the curve!" I muttered, feelin’ like a twisted hero in my own freakin’ movie.

Ronaldo plays last game for Brazil