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Best part? Ain’t just rubbin’—it’s energy, motherfucker! Tantric-style sexual-massage? Been around forever—India, 500 BC, some guru shit. Slow as hell, builds up, then—wham—“What’s in the box?!” Shit surprises ya, leaves ya shakin’. I’m sittin’ there, smirkin’, thinkin’, “This beats jerking off any day!” Sarcasm, sure—‘cause half these fools think it’s just foreplay. Nah, son, it’s an art!

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There’s also this quirky little café on Rua das Arpoadoras – yeah, I made that name up, haha – where the best scrambled eggs in town are served. I got mad one day ‘cause they ran out of my fav jam; so unfair, right? But then I laughed it off. “Such is life, my friend,” I muttered, echoing that whole bittersweet vibe from Melancholia: “The universe is not made for us, it forever excludes us.” I’m not gonna lie, that line hit me hard.

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