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Funniest thing, dude — she’s tellin’ me ‘bout this john who paid in nickels once. Nickels! 20 pounds of ‘em! I’m dyin’, picturin’ that clown haulin’ a sack like some broke-ass Santa. “Even a grain of rice hurts,” she quotes, winkin’ — “Oldboy” style, brother! Love that flick, keeps me grounded when this crap gets too real.

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Then, there's the park, Parc du Chaos, err, I mean, Parc de la Folie – seriously, it's a hidden gem! Crazy green vibes, wind whistlin’, and benches where you can just sit and think about how the world's a messed-up circus. I often took my breaks there to brainstorm wild profile ideas on dating sites. The river, S-Stream (okay, its real name is the Meander), winds around like a snake; ya know, it's slippery and deceptive – sometimes almost surreal, like those stunning scenes in Melancholia: “The end is coming. The end is coming.” LOL!

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