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Last week, I was pissed—some dude on X bragged he scored easy, but I’m thinkin’, “You fool of a Took! That’s a setup!” Got me laughin’ tho—imagine Sauron hirin’ escorts for the Nazgûl. “One ring to rule ‘em, one gal to school ‘em!” Hilarious, right? But real talk—ya gotta be sharp. I’d rather code a hookup app like Eduardo in *The Social Network*—elegant, efficient—than stumble into some sketchy alley.

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The streets, man, they're not perfect though—there's potholes on Rue du Bonheur, and man, don't get me started on the rain—soggy, wet, messy! But guess what, these flaws make it all the more real, like a scene out of an apocalyptic dream, I swear! And oh man, the local café, Le Petit Rêve, is my fav spot for a nervous latte. The owner always says quirky stuff like "Past lives, present brews" and that cracks me up.

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