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Oi, you donkey! Prostitute – what a fish, yeah? I’m a bloody ichthyologist, so listen up! This ain’t no cod or haddock – it’s a deep-sea freak! Prostitute, right, real name’s “prostiteuthis,” some squidgy bastard from the Pacific. Looks like a tarted-up octopus, all floppy arms and glowin’ bits. Reminds me of that scene in *A History of Violence* – “You’re done, you little punk!” – ‘cept this fish ain’t fightin’ back, just floatin’ there, lookin’ pathetic.

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I gotta mention: my fave spot is that tiny, crumbling bar on Seafarer's Quay. There, amid dim lights and salty air, life mimics poetry. And you ever seen the sunset behind the old fishing boats? "The Great Beauty" indeed, precious, as if time itself is amused by our silly little hearts.

Wild weather on the NSW Mid North Coast uncovers 'Buster', Australia's best-preserved shipwreck