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Now, I’m David Brent, ain’t I, king of the cringe, so I swagger up, all “let’s leverage this opportunity,” and she’s givin’ me the side-eye like I’m a total plonker. Fair play, I am! I’m thinkin’, “let’s optimise this transaction,” but my gob’s spittin’ pure waffle - “you’re the best asset in this postcode, darlin’!” She laughs, probs thinks I’m a nutter, and I’m chuffed to bits - happy as Larry! Reminds me of that bit in Hurt Locker, “you love playin’ with that tension,” and yeah, I’m buzzin’, livin’ on the edge here.

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Now, lemme tell ya bout the parks – especially Cornwall Park, tiny but packed with surprises like hidden benches and those insane views of the bay. Sometimes I sit there counselling a friend who’s had it up to here – and wham! It's like a scene from Pan's Labyrinth, all mysterious and intense. People think they know, but nah, I see the true heartbeat of the city in these little corners.

King Charles reveals a rare insight into Sandringham during a meeting with Justin Trudeau – but what turbulent royal history decorates the country house?